Communication during and after a New Mexico divorce can become really complicated, and especially difficult when there are kids involved. You may not have a problem getting in contact with your former spouse, having clear, productive conversations can be another matter entirely. Sometimes, this devolves into a patterns of long-winded emails or vague, frustrating text messages that make it difficult to handle important matters or effectively co-parent.
If you are already in or near this sort of situation, it’s time to break the email/text cycle so you can improve the communication between you and your former spouse. Luckily, there are some ways you can try to improve how you interact with your ex, which will improve your relationship with him or her and make communication less frustrating or upsetting.
Do some research
Develop a set of tools that allow you to break your messaging cycle with your ex. Think about the most important issues you need to discuss with your ex. If you have kids, for example, the parenting schedule is likely a major concern. Use a calendar or worksheet to keep yourself organized, which will make it easier for you to tell your ex what he or she needs to know. Whatever issue you are addressing, find a tool that lets you handle it by keeping the relevant information organized and available instantly and which you can share. This will help eliminate confusing, vague messages between you and your ex. On top of that, if your relationship with your former spouse is tense and you are sometimes accused of giving out the wrong information on purpose when it’s really a lack of organization on your part, this will prevent that scenario from happening.
Get clear on communication
Try to talk to your ex about how you want to communicate, and suggest replacing the current message cycle with something else that works better for both of you. This may be difficult, especially at first, but it can help end some of the problems the two of you may be having. If you need to stick to the message format for some things, set clear rules for how you will use it that you both agree to. For example, you can decide to only message each other about minor scheduling matters, like the time and date of your kid’s soccer game, and never to discuss major decisions.
Share information openly
When it comes to making a decision or co-parenting, holding onto important information is counterproductive. Freely share information and encourage your ex to do the same in all situations. If this is a trouble spot for you, consider speaking to your ex about how much it’s costing both of you when information is withheld. By explaining the consequences you both have to deal with whenever information is withheld, you may be able to get your ex to see how pointless it is.
Message only when you have to
There are a lot of tools out there you can use to change how you communicate with your ex. There are websites, for example, that allow divorcing parents to set up message boards and use calendars to improve communication. Explore some of these resources and see if they can work for you and your ex. Don’t be afraid to go through some trial and error; it may take some time to find the right set of tools to use for your situation.
Divorce and co-parenting can be stressful at first, but if you take the time to minimize the confusion and misunderstandings by improving communication, both of you will be better off in the long run.