Despite how difficult a divorce may be, it can be the best decision for you, your spouse, and any children you have together. Of course, this process is unique for everyone, and you’re not going to know just how you feel and what your reaction may be until you go through it. While there’s no way to predict exactly what’s coming, here are four genuine truths about divorce to keep in mind to make the process a little easier.
Divorce Is Usually Not Just One Spouse’s Fault
Being in a relationship requires a lot of effort. Many times, people believe that their efforts at the start of the relationship are enough. However, being with someone requires constant effort from both sides the entire time. Being willing to make some compromises, understand the other person’s point of view, and working harder on the marriage when times are tough are all parts of a successful union.
Even if your partner was not faithful, there’s probably some fault on both sides. It’s best to avoid playing the blame game altogether. It will not help in the divorce process, so there’s no real point in assigning all the blame on yourself or your spouse.
Divorces Happen Over Time
You may have very specific reasons for your divorce, but in reality, it was probably not one or two events that led to it. Marriages can erode over time. It’s important to keep in mind that the sum of all of your and your spouse’s actions combined to chip away at the marriage. This will allow you to move away from focusing on why the marriage ended. Instead, you can dedicate your attention to trying to resolve your divorce and come to an agreement so you can move on with your life.
You Will Have to Document Everything
You might think you know your spouse, a person you’ve likely shared years of your life with. You believe they will not double-cross you and will be fair. And, in some cases, this is absolutely correct. However, in other cases, you could be facing an attack you simply did not expect. When people are going through a tough time in their lives, they may do something out of their normal character. You may do things you never thought you would do.
Record and document everything for your own protection. You don’t need to use this information–it is just something to have on hand for the worst-case scenario. Try to limit your communication with your spouse to things like text and email because it’s easier to keep records of what was said in these formats.
These records are not meant to cause harm to your spouse or serve as any sort of blackmail. These are for your defense only. If you have to, you may be able to use them to keep your divorce from becoming ugly if your spouse is aggressive or begins to become unreasonable.
You’ll Need to Take Care of Yourself
Even if you don’t feel like it or think you don’t have the time with everything going on, you must take care of yourself throughout your divorce. Reconnect with old friends, take some fun classes, go to yoga or out somewhere dancing, try some sports, read more books–do whatever healthy activities you need to so you can keep going on with life with a good attitude.
If you think you will benefit from therapy, try it to work some things out. This can be your opportunity to try the things you’ve always wanted to do and never got around to when you were married.